Updated: Sep 30, 2018
Dating coach Sami Wunder went from being an unlucky-in-love yet high-flying career woman to meeting the man of her dreams and having him propose after just nine months. Having turned her love life around, she decided to share her secrets with other women and is now the CEO of her own six figure coaching business. She has been successful at helping her find love that she's been dubbed the "Get the ring" coach, having helped more than 100 clients become engaged.
I interviewed her to find out more about her dating philosophies and to discover the secret of dating success.
1.Your philosophy is about embracing feminine energy in romantic relationships. How did this approach come about and how does it work?
I talk about women embracing feminine energy in their romantic relationships because that´s how attraction and romance works. You need the presence of polar opposite energies in order to have sexual attraction in a romantic relationship and attraction is the fundamental element of a romantic relationship.
When a woman leads with masculine energy (doing energy) in her romantic relationships, she will by definition attract a more feminine man. Now this is great if the woman is happy and I love men in touch with their feminine side. However, in my experience, many women who are busy “efforting” in dating and relationships, come back to me and feel resentful about the fact that their man is too passive and doesn’t do much in the relationship.
This is where things get tricky. We sign up for a relationship where we are the carriers of masculine energy and the man is the carrier of feminine energy and then we get annoyed at our men for being passive and laid back. It doesn’t work this way.
What is important is that the women of today get clear that they can´t have it both ways. They can´t wear the pants and want a man who wears pants too. For attraction, one partner has to wear the metaphorical skirt. If it´s not you, it will be him.
So bottomline is that if you want a man who is primarily in his masculine energy in the relationship, planning dates, paying, leading, organizing, then you want to be in your “leaned back” feminine energy. That´s how you attract that “type” of healthy masculine man.
My client base is primarily the smart and successful woman who has a lot of resistance to hearing this at first. I totally get it. I was the same way.
I thought that being in my feminine energy would amount to being subservient to a man or playing “the damnsel” in distress and I was the last woman on the planet to want to play the doormat, just to get love in my life. Of course, all these limited perceptions on femininity were based on incomplete knowledge.
My life changed forever, when I understood that the rules of romance and matters of the heart don´t work with the brain and logic. They work with understanding instincts and respecting rules of nature.
Plus, feminine energy is all about being soft on the outside and strong on the inside, so there´s no way a woman who is relaxing and receiving in her feminine energy from a man becomes a doormat. She has strong boundaries and she trusts herself to take care of herself.
She´s allowing a man to be a man in her presence, and not because she´s helpful and needy and dependent. This is true feminine power and it´s life changing.
After years of struggling in dating and with men, coming across this information changed my life. Today, I am happily married to a man who adores me, I am enjoying the bliss of motherhood and I am a kick-ass CEO of a successful, multiple 6 figures heart-centred company which is where I use my amazing healthy masculine energy as well. Just not in my relationship. There I am co-pilot and husband is pilot and it works beautifully for us and my over 100 engaged clients so far.
2. You encourage women to embrace feminine energy and resist masculine energy. Do you feel that in an era of feminism, it can be hard for women to get into this mindset?
Let´s get this clear. Both sexes have both energies. So I am not encouraging women to resist masculine energy. I wouldn’t be able to run such a successful company without using my own healthy masculine side.
You need to use your healthy masculine to succeed at your job, to do what needs to be done to put food on the table and feed your kids. So please do use it and please do love it.
What I am teaching women here is that there´s a time and place for both energies. I teach them the dance of the divine masculine and feminine and embracing both sides at the right time.
While you want to go masculine energy (doing energy) at work, you want to respect that in love and romance, feminine energy is your friend. It will help you attract the kind of man who courts you, treats you like a queen and will nourish and support you in your career and with your children. It´s where you actively choose and allow a man to lead, so that you can see in the early dating stages, what he´s really capable of.
Now when it comes to women with feminist mindset (Mind you, I am a master degree and multiple 6 figures CEO too so I couldn´t possibly not be a feminist myself) it helps for them to understand that my teachings around helping women reconnect with their feminine energy are not sexist but based on Universal Laws of Nature. For example, men will instinctively not be attracted to another man with boobs and a dress, pretending to be a woman.
Energy is real and energy is what we´re talking about here, not sex.
In romance, a masculine energy man craves feminine energy and its nature and instinct.
3. Lots of women seem to be trying their best in dating but are still attracting rude unpleasant men. Is it really down to women to change their behaviour in the dating game or do men need to step up and start treating women better?
I think the message can never be one-sided. Both sexes have to take responsibility for their part in the creation of the confusion and minefield that dating is today.
I help women take responsibility for their part and not tolerate crap from low-value men. This by no means amounts to the message – “Men shouldn’t taken responsibility for their part.”
Of course, they should. Every healthy individual should be willing to look at themselves and work on themselves.
The amazing thing I notice with my clients though is that once they do the work on themselves and get clear on the kind of man they want to attract, they organically start to attract men that are a vibrational match to the woman they are. The not-so-good or creepy guys just fall off really quickly from such a woman´s radar. She has no time to waste on them. She´s too busy attracting the right man for her.
4. You have a successful business, marriage and have a kid. What would you say to women who feel they can’t have it all? What’s your secret?
Yes, I do and I am so grateful to the Universe for introducing me to this life changing information at a young age in my life. Without it, I doubt I would have succeeded in attracting such amazing love into my life or be so successful at my work.
Almost all my clients tell me within 2 sessions with me, “I wish I had found you earlier Sami. I wish I had this knowledge of how healthy romantic relationships work earlier in my life. It would have saved me so much trial and error and heart-ache.“
I would say “my secret” is understanding the divine dance of masculine and feminine energies. I use my healthy masculine to succeed at work and serve my clients with zest and I use my feminine energy to be the queen of my husband´s heart.
I feel supported, safe, cherished in my personal life and I feel I can fly high in my career because I have a safe space to land back on, at the end of a demanding day.
5. You’re called the ‘get the ring coach’ yet so many people just want casual relationships these days. How does a woman who is serious about getting married go about achieving it? Can you give a few tips?
Yes! I love this question.
In fact, I am all about women starting to honor themselves more in the dating process and being resolute about what kind of relationship and man they want to attract.
1. Know yourself and get clarity on what you want.
I always tell my clients, you are a vibrational match to the men you´re attracting.
Once you decide you´re looking for something serious, and really get clear that that is what you want, you will stop wasting time on men who just want quick sex or don´t want to court you or get to know you.
2. Date in your feminine energy
Leaning back in your feminine energy, as I like to call it, is the sure-shot way of attracting a healthy man in your life who is into you and wants to give you the world.
When you date in your masculine energy and you´re busy pleasing a man, investing effort into him, calling him, texting him, you´re going to miss the red flags. Plus, you´ll never be able to see who he really is and whether he´s capable of giving you the kind of relationship you want. I am assuming here of course that you want the flowers, and being courted like a queen feels good to you.
3. Don´t settle for a commitment less than you desire
If you want forever commitment, don´t close down your options too quickly and get exclusive with the first man you have a date with. Take it slow, get to know many men, and only say yes to that man who truly makes your heart sing.
Love has to feel good!
To find out more about Sami, visit https://samiwunder.com/
To read my debut novel, inspired by my dating experiences in London, click here.